One for the office quote book

While moving furniture around in an office clean-out, I was greatly amused by the following exchange, regarding a small, low cabinet we had no further use for:

C: "What are we going to do with the credenza?"

B: "The what??"

C: "The credenza - this thing."

B: "But, but I thought a credenza was, you know, la la la la la LA LA LAAAA!"

C: "You idiot, that's a crescendo!"

D: (from the adjoining office) "No, THAT'S a cacophony..."

Age and perception...

My friend talking about her 40th birthday:
"I had a great time - I felt like I was 20 on Saturday night...and I felt like 80 on Sunday."

Snippets of singledom...

One of the old Tradies saying to me..."Wow RHR, I've never realised how beautiful your eyes are."
And me replying..."that's because you've never looked me in the eyes before."

Sitting at a bonfire on the beach (several weeks ago now) while a prowling LLP settles himself on my yakhair pashmina (love that thing) alongside me, looks at me intensely and speaks in his special, very low, 'take me seriously and fuck me frivolously' voice.
The worst example of a sad single mum I know shows up. She's on a mission. Apparently he's it.
He's leaning in, I'm leaning away and she leaps in between us from five metres away, grabs him by the ears and tries to snare his tonsils FIVE INCHES FROM MY NOSE.
And, without blinking, he turns (only his head) to her and says "chill sweetheart, I said I'd root you" and goes back to talking to me.
Scary!

Overheard in TinyTown

This one's worth blogging, even though it happened at an aquaculture facility near TinyTown, as opposed to Roxby Downs' desert community.

An industry leader discussing why the tuna aren't naturally producing babies in captivity yet.
"When I was young, I could make love to any woman, any where, any time. Nowadays the mood has to be right, the lighting has to be right, the bed has to be right.
"The scientists tell me, fish are the same - everything must be just right."

This is the same man who, as the recipient of an Order of Australia, pointed out that when his tuna breed he'd like another award thankyou.
"I'm German - we like medals."
I suggested, perhaps, a helmet might be more appropriate in that case.

Teen lust!

While standing in a large line up to order my healthy Subway salad, a young girl and her boyfriend entered and stood behind me. After the kind of passionate embrace that makes you want to tell people to "get a room," I heard Girl say: "Gee, it's really stuffy in here." Boy replied swiftly and without any hesitation, "Ah, yeah, that's because you're really steaming!"

Sea Shells She Sells

A group of women, sitting around after dinner at the Tavern trying to say tounge-twisters which escalated to making speech impediment jokes.
One woman said "don't, my husband says after a few drinks I lisp" and I piped up...
"Well there's worse things you could do...after a few drinks I sleep with inappropriate men...tell him that."

Racy moments in Roxby Downs

During the usual three women, one mirror, only-an-hour-left-to-go pre-party madness .
"Can you see that I'm wearing knickers if I do this?"

OutbackLioness reaching out to her husband at the Tavern while trying to convince him to buy a new house and whispering "honey, are your ears cold?" before pulling his face down into her cleavage. And the glazed dazed distracted look on his face as he reemerged and wandered away in a whole new direction.

On meeting the new friend of my old friend who invited me to feel her partner's arse. To which he replied..."No, hold on, I didn't have it clenched - try it again!"